Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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