But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
