god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
