You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
