I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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