Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
