Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
