Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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