I think I died a long time ago.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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