Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
