My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
