she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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