I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
