you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
