i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
