Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
