just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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