Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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