RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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