I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
