Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
