I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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