We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
