zippers are such a cool invention
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
