I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
