Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
