Already got asked if we're dating
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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