drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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