Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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