Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
