you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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