you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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