Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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