You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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