You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and she was petting her beer can
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
