We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
