i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
