accomplished twins. life is a go
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
