You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
