She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize