It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
