The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
