I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
