i think my tv is drunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
