i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
