spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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