Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
