How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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