dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
