She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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