i don't like sucking hair
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
