One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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