No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
