I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just high enough for therapy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
