theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
