I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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