Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
