Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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