I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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