I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.