i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"