new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.