whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
