Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
