Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
