She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
