You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
