i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
