So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
